The answer to that question in the title is: She doesn't exist!
One question I've received a lot in my life was and still is: Why don't you have a girlfriend? Why aren't you dating someone? When are you going to settle down? Over the years, I've learned to give many different answers. "I haven't really found the one", "no one really excites me enough to wanna date them", "I travel a lot so I don't have time for a girlfriend" etc. and for a really long time, I actually believed these answers I would tell people. It's like anything in life, if you say it enough times over and over, you make it believable.
The truth is, I never really wanted a girlfriend in the first place because that meant something that scared me - 1 word, 3 syllables, 10 letters: COMMITMENT. This is why, at the ripe old age of 30 years old, I have never had a girlfriend. (Ok, there was that 1 time, I dated a girl for 3 weeks when I was 19 but let's be real here, that don't count). That's not to say, I haven't met anyone who I had genuine interest in but for the most part it was the commitment issue.
I also have zero energy and desire to put in the time and effort to meet a quality person. I expect the other person to do 100 percent of the work and if I'm interested maybe I'll hang around for a few days until I lose interest. I'm the kind of guy where if I did get into a relationship and I started losing interest or getting annoyed with the other persons presence, I'd just calmly pick up and walk out of that person's life. I think I've gotten pretty good at emotionally disconnecting from other humans that I don't feel I want to commit my time too.
This is why, my whole life, I've taken the path of least resistance. If I'm in the mood to be with a girl and I know there are options available without trying or by putting in little work, I'll go for that option knowing full well, this is not a good start to finding a meaningful relationship. The joke was, that before I went on Big Brother, the producers asked me what kind of girls I liked and I half-jokingly responded "the ones with low self-esteem". The path of least resistance may be advantageous when it comes to navigating your ship across the English Channel but not in this regard.
One question I've received a lot in my life was and still is: Why don't you have a girlfriend? Why aren't you dating someone? When are you going to settle down? Over the years, I've learned to give many different answers. "I haven't really found the one", "no one really excites me enough to wanna date them", "I travel a lot so I don't have time for a girlfriend" etc. and for a really long time, I actually believed these answers I would tell people. It's like anything in life, if you say it enough times over and over, you make it believable.
The truth is, I never really wanted a girlfriend in the first place because that meant something that scared me - 1 word, 3 syllables, 10 letters: COMMITMENT. This is why, at the ripe old age of 30 years old, I have never had a girlfriend. (Ok, there was that 1 time, I dated a girl for 3 weeks when I was 19 but let's be real here, that don't count). That's not to say, I haven't met anyone who I had genuine interest in but for the most part it was the commitment issue.
I also have zero energy and desire to put in the time and effort to meet a quality person. I expect the other person to do 100 percent of the work and if I'm interested maybe I'll hang around for a few days until I lose interest. I'm the kind of guy where if I did get into a relationship and I started losing interest or getting annoyed with the other persons presence, I'd just calmly pick up and walk out of that person's life. I think I've gotten pretty good at emotionally disconnecting from other humans that I don't feel I want to commit my time too.
This is why, my whole life, I've taken the path of least resistance. If I'm in the mood to be with a girl and I know there are options available without trying or by putting in little work, I'll go for that option knowing full well, this is not a good start to finding a meaningful relationship. The joke was, that before I went on Big Brother, the producers asked me what kind of girls I liked and I half-jokingly responded "the ones with low self-esteem". The path of least resistance may be advantageous when it comes to navigating your ship across the English Channel but not in this regard.
And why be committed? Life was and is so much easier with the carefree, no-restrictions attitude. I wake up when I want, go to sleep when I want, do what I want, say what I want - it's pretty liberating....or is it?
Let's break things down here:
My whole life I was taught that being religious was the correct way of life and I needed to live by a bunch of rules, do this, don't do this, don't do that. By the time I had left that way of life, I had put a considerable barrier and refused to truly open up to anyone.
1. Scared of being lonely
I get it, being lonely sucks! But you know what - suck it up buttercup! Make friends, listen to music, read books, get a dog or get a new hobby. (I suggest rock-climbing. See video below)! I find these "scared of being lonely" people are incredibly unhappy because they're usually stuck in a relationship they're not happy in but afraid to break up because they're afraid of being lonely....actually who am I to speak, I hate loneliness too and look for intimate connections here and there to satisfy what I need. Also, if they break up they're not sure anyone will like them which brings me to...
2. Validation
Most people are insecure. It's actually quite remarkable how you can tear someone apart emotionally and mentally once you dig and find out what their insecurities are. (If you're good at this kind of twisted behavior then I recommend applying to Big Brother). The insecurities stem from the fact that they'll "never be good enough" so when someone comes along and shows them attention, they jump on it like it's a death-rows prisoners last meal and go crazy for months trying to make it work out even though it was bound to fail from the beginning. And finally...
I feel like most people are guilty of this one. They're going out, they're not getting laid, along comes some guy/girl who shows interest in them, winter is coming and they don't want to be alone in the cold winter months. They need someone to cuddle with and tell about to their friends so they just get together in a relationship. Other times they meet someone who has the same interests and then they become "best friends" and everything is just so convenient. Sometimes the relationship works but most of the time it doesn't because this is a relationship based on convenience and not on core values.
Issue #3 is an issue with my parents. Let's start off by saying that I love them to pieces. However, being that I grew up in a very religious household, my parents believe that I should only be marrying Jewish. According to Jewish law, if I was to marry a non-Jewish girl and have children, those kids would not be Jewish as the link to Judaism continues through the mother. This puts me in a bit of a conundrum, I don't have anything per se against dating someone Jewish but if we're playing a true numbers game here, odds are I'll be dating a non-Jewish girl 99 out of 100 times. It's because of this that I feel like that little voice at the back of my head will always want to shut down anything serious between me and a non-Jew to keep the peace between me and my parents.
(Another pic of my family at my brothers wedding in New York, this time with the whole crew).
Until then, here are some oldie songs I like with no theme in particular.
1. Frank Sinatra - That's Life
I'd love to purchase a record player someday and play this song on vinyl! For now, I'll have to listen to the 2008 remastered version on YouTube.
2. Nat King Cole - L-O-V-E
Ok, good tune but being a bit of a cynic, I'm taking a hard line with the lyrics - I don't think everyone is capable of love. some people just won't find it and that's the way life goes! This song came out when my dad was 3, it would take another 25 years for me to make my presence on this planet. I've never asked but I'm sure he knows this tune.
3. Dean Martin - Everybody Loves Somebody
My grandfather was 21 years old when this song came out although I doubt he was listening to this, I'd like to imagine him driving his New York city cab with the radio on and this song playing while he was taking his passengers to where they needed to go.
1. Frank Sinatra - That's Life
I'd love to purchase a record player someday and play this song on vinyl! For now, I'll have to listen to the 2008 remastered version on YouTube.
2. Nat King Cole - L-O-V-E
Ok, good tune but being a bit of a cynic, I'm taking a hard line with the lyrics - I don't think everyone is capable of love. some people just won't find it and that's the way life goes! This song came out when my dad was 3, it would take another 25 years for me to make my presence on this planet. I've never asked but I'm sure he knows this tune.
3. Dean Martin - Everybody Loves Somebody
My grandfather was 21 years old when this song came out although I doubt he was listening to this, I'd like to imagine him driving his New York city cab with the radio on and this song playing while he was taking his passengers to where they needed to go.
Peace,
Mark D
IG: @themarkdshow
Mark D
IG: @themarkdshow
